Hard Decisions

Thursday, October 15, 2015

So, a conversation I had last night has shaken me up and got me thinking in a major way.

This conversation was between myself and my boyfriend. We somehow started talking about my plans to take a year off uni and go travelling at the end of next year. This has been an idea that has been circling around in my brain for quite a while now. See, I was only 16 when I graduated high school. I planned to take a gap year after that to learn more about myself and the world, but once I found out that I had got into Medicine I decided that I just wanted to get started straight away. I don't regret this decision, as it let me start university with my best friend, meet all the wonderful people in my course right now, and generally brought me to where I am today...BUT I still have times where I wish I had gone travelling instead of starting uni at the tender age of 17. You are never more free than when you have just finished school. The world is out there just waiting for you to explore it!

So this idea of taking a year off to go and pursue that dream in 2017 has been growing in me for quite a while. It's honestly not even something I just want to do anymore-it's something I have a great NEED to do. There is so much life and world and so many wonderful experiences to be had out there, and I'm scared that after I'm graduated and working as a doctor it will be a lot harder to just disappear for a year to go and see all that!

So, anyway. Back to this conversation. Whilst we were talking about my big plans to disappear for a while, my boyfriend said 'Well I guess we'll be breaking up when you go then'.
This stunned me for a few seconds. It had occurred to me how hard it might be on our relationship for me to just leave him behind at uni while I went off on these adventures-but I never thought we would go so far as to break up before I even left!

It is so hard to come to terms with this idea. I love my boyfriend to pieces and I know he feels the same way about me. I don't want to have this kind of 'expiry date' on our relationship already! But as much as I hate it, I also know that what he's explained is the right thing. If I'm going off on a journey of self-discovery on the other side of the world, I don't want to be worrying about my relationship at home. I need to be living solely for me, finding what I want to do in life with nothing holding me back. He says he doesn't want to be standing in the way of my dreams, and he understands that this is something I need to do.

This has kept me up thinking a lot of the night. At first it made me incredibly sad to think of saying goodbye to the person who has been my best friend and by my side for almost 2 years now. I could hardly bear to think about it, but after some time to calm down and think rationally, it starts to make sense. I've woken this morning feeling so much happier and more empowered, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. As much as the thought of leaving my familiar home and loving boyfriend behind scares me to absolute death, I know I will be fine. In fact, I'll be more than fine. I'm going to take this world by storm, travel to countries and places I've never even heard of, try crazy foods, meet wonderful new people and forge friendships without the need for speaking a common language. Yes, there will be some tough times, but I am a strong independent person. I will be ok.

I'm so glad that I have a boyfriend wonderful and understanding enough to see how much this means to me. The fact that he understands me so well, right down to my soul, gives me hope. After all, he'll still be here when I get home. Whether it's meant to be or not, whether we end up together or maybe not, life will take it's course and it is all going to work out in the end.
I'll leave you with my favourite quote, from one of my all time favourite movies 'The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel'.

"Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not yet the end" -Sonny

Kate x

You Might Also Like